February 19, 2014
Apparently, I've created a new tool in my toolbox. I'll share it, in case it would be a new tool for you, also. This is a tool for the mind and so is just imaging. You know how coffee bean dispensers have a control knob on them? Well, processing frozen emotions has been related to opening a Pandora's Box and being too overwhelming to even think about. So, I put drawers in Pandora's Box so you don't open a lid at all. You simply pick a small drawer. Even opening the drawer seemed too frightening. So, I put on control knobs in place of the typical pull knobs on the drawers, a control knob like you see on coffee bean dispensers. This image gives your mind a sense of control over the process and reduces its fears. And especially, if you have a very capable protector, like I have, and were brought up believing that some emotions are simply not acceptable and some are down right dangerous; it gives that protective part of your mind something to do. This is so that it can collaborate with you and work in conjunction with you and still be doing the job you gave it to do and it doesn't feel like it has to shut down the process, before you even get started, in order to protect you. When you sit down to process an emotion, you can allow your mind to utilize this image to release only the amount of emotion that you feel you can safely recognize, feel, identify and release.
February 15, 2014
Well howdy! Long time no speak to. Happy day after Valentine's. My! What a journey it has been since my last posting in November, which is maintained below. I have actually had several postings I wanted to share, but something kept me from it - "no time." I'm at a place in my life where I can do anything I want with my days, yet I made no time to post. I was going places, keeping appointments, helping people, enjoying life, enjoying the outdoors. I could have shared superficial things. But I had gone private on my inner landscape. I hadn't truly recognized it till just now, about to say it; although I felt it. I was ashamed of the healing work I was doing and the need to do it. Yet, that was part of what I needed to see and accept. I'm sure it would be different for each of us, what it is we need to see and accept about ourselves. As I said in November, I was on a mission to end the warring in my own members, the divisions in my soul. In September I had been led (Led by intuition, or whatever you wish to call it. Personally, I would say my I AM Presence made it obvious to me.) - l had been led to a group that has what I will describe as an ascended master group therapy sessions. My outer mind had all sorts of disappointments and objections, but I trusted the fact that I KNEW I had been led to this for whatever reason. I had thought I was done with the inner healing work and ready to step out into the world, to stop focusing inward so much and to "go global" as they say. I didn't know I had a different perspective of what I now glimpse going global might mean for me. There are way too many details to post and my details would not be your details and I'm not saying what I originally intended. As I look back, I see that I was guided in every detail; but at the time it seemed all very disjointed. My journey to yesterday was so beautiful and gentle, although I didn't see that at the time, either.
Oh, I do so hope I can get back into my thoughts what I sat down to say. I was given such an incredible gift yesterday, the gift of myself. It was simply a change in perception and acceptance within my own mind and emotions, yet what a change. Certainly a quantum leap in my development. It was the meeting of two lovers that feel they complete each other. I sense a fragileness in this new inner relationship and am being so very gentle with myself. And yet, I have a knowledge that the bond can not be broken now. Before, I called this part of my being the chameleon or the hijacker and seriously wondered whether it was some outside force. It turns out it is the answer to so many of my questions and desires - this is the part of my being that holds the key of the very source of my intangible fear of this world that I am finally strong enough to face nose to nose with nothing but love in my heart. How can I possibly convey what I feel?
This shadow self (Perhaps I can laughingly say of two peas in pod, this other pea in my pod.) has revealed herself in small fragments that I accepted as inner children that I was updating. The one voice speaks numerous fears and hesitations and "what if..."s. Yet, what is seen is the hope, the tentative reaching for what is most deeply desired. What I would say to the shadow selves in this world is to give that which seems to reject you within your own world of self a another chance. And keep giving it a chance until you actually begin to FEEL that acceptance, which it seems we all want so desperately. Remember, there is no answer but: "yes, I am willing." You accept no less, and you give no less. And the other voice speaks as the Mother of the prodigal daughter returned home, full of compassion and total, unconditional acceptance. Yet, both voices are my own and my joy is unbounded to see the warring cease. I am the being that these two voices shall become. One might see me as the pod that houses these two peas. The pod shall be broken open and seemingly discarded. The two peas shall be planted in the same hole and will become a lovely new plant. And that which sustains and nourishes that new plant is what used to be seen as the pod.
Perhaps the process I used or use is unimportant. Perhaps you would use a different process to come to an acceptance of that within yourself that you have previously rejected as not being any part of you. The point is that your journey is SO VERY WORTH ALL IT IS DEMANDING OF YOU. This is true whether you are in the midst of it as you read this or embark upon this journey of inner acceptance later in your life. Albeit, I felt a mighty complaint about having to cover ground I had covered so many times already. At the same time I felt a peaceful observation of the events. Actually, as I was wooing, I was being wooed. I guess you might have to experience what I'm trying to explain in order to understand. I know, prior to yesterday, I didn't get what people were saying about this. Let me send out to trust your process and never let go of your desires to be whole within yourself.