August 10, 2010
This woman yesterday very nonchalantly told me that a number of my physical conditions can be put right with some time and effort. For years I've thought there was nothing more that could be done. I went to see her quite reluctantly, because someone I trusted said it would help. I wonder how often we are this same way with relationships. We think nothing can heal them. Except a lot of us talk about these less and so find fewer answers. I even thought yesterday that an e-mail to a group I belong to was out of line because it asked for opinions on a personal matter to the sender. Yet how else is he to find answers outside his circle (or box) of normal influence, if it is frowned upon for him to ask the questions outside that circle (or box).
August 6 , 2010
What made the difference? I held my peace in 2 out of 3 situations. The two I held my peace in even caused me some discomfort. It was uncomfortable sleeping in my car when the cabin I had rented was already occupied. Yet, I easily held my peace. And I was compassionate to the self-employed woman whose deposits were stolen, including one of my checks. It’s a royal pain to have to inform all my legitimate auto pay bill payees of a new checking account, yet I’m at peace. So what makes the middle event different (the one mentioned on Aug 4)? It was a minor inconvenience of less than 15 minutes, yet I came unglued. Well, in the other two situations, I don’t have any unresolved past. So I’m thinking the difference (aside from that surprising feeling of superiority) is a deep rut of reactions where I apparently have not forgiven all the numerous perceived hurts. It appears that the slightest thing taps into something far bigger and I react and my reaction is out of proportion. I wonder if this is one of the dynamics in feuds and wars. It’s as if there is a stored energy (similar to a capacitor) and the slightest spark discharges more than expected. What if it weren’t just my own energy? When families combine their dislikes and perceived injustices, then there are numerous stories of out of proportion reactions. And if you multiply that by a larger group, such as a nation, that doesn’t resolve it’s differences with another group and doesn’t complete its forgiveness work??? Perhaps it just makes for a bigger capacitor.
August 4 , 2010
Inferiority/Superiority. I don't think my choosing to sleep in my car was based on any sense of inferiority, a not standing up for myself; since I'm quite capable of doing that. However, I do have to wonder since two days later in a whole different situation, I threw a little temper tantrum. I asked myself if I felt superior to this person I was so angry with. Sure enough I had to honestly answer yes. It quite surprised me.
August 3 , 2010
My sincere laughter apparently meant more than I'll ever know. It's always amazing to me the huge affect a little respect has on people who make their living from serving the public. I had rented a cabin (cabin #2) and they had left it open, knowing I'd be arriving after hours. I arrived at 11PM to find it occupied by people already in bed, but still awake. As I saw it, I had four choices - wake whoever was in cabin #5 hoping it was the owner; share cabin #2 with the occupants; proceed to my destination braving unknown mud conditions in the rain and dark; find an empty campsite and sleep in my car. I chose the last. I spoke with the owner in the morning and he said the occupants had awakened him and then briefly left. He had told them he'd unlock cabin #1 for them, which he did. However, out of habit he relocked it as he left. I couldn't help but laugh at an absent mindedness I so richly share. When I ate dinner at the cafe the owner also has, I was amazed to find myself more than a hero. The reaction of awe to the laughter shows that we can improve bringing peace to others by improving our respect for those who serve the public. I guess it's no surprise that such a simple act can be a pebble in a pond.